By Sadho Ram
My brother, the one who stood by me when I was falling apart, financially and emotionally, and supported me in my every necessary and even unnecessary demand, has now stopped taking my calls!
My sister, the one who never ever dared to even stare at me, has now started questioning me, though in jest, about my commitment towards my professional life!
But it ain’t their fault.
It’s bloody me, who have been cheating on them and few others. It is because of me that those who once never got tired of me and my egotistic gibberish have now started looking for petty excuses to avoid my useless company. But what am I doing to stop all this and bring back the lost respect of mine?
Well, to be precise nothing exactly, except lamenting boorishly over and over again.
I have no clue about what has been the prime reason for continues untried failure of mine in every path, which would had taken me to certain heights till now if only I would had tried once! I have made my life miserable. So miserable that now it seems even the destiny has decided to dump any kind of support it may have provided to me in my future endeavours.
Sometimes during the evening time of day when the crimson Sun prepares itself for way back to home, I take an auto to the Barista Rock Beach in Versova and sit there pondering over my past life and the deeds. Of course, without any thoughtful outcome, as to why the bloody hell am I in such sympathetic condition where I am bestowed with what usually most desire but lack the audacity to claim that particular thing which is there for me?
Because I took everything, my life devoid of the love’s warmth, my path devoid of determination, my goals devoid of inspiration, my people devoid of trust and my ability devoid of productive use, for GRANTED! Yes, I took everything for granted.
Even the dreams of my late parents which, at one point of my life I have vowed to fulfil by turning them into reality. I guess I should bloody slit my throat and let every single drop of my unworthy blood drip out through the hole and then die slowly.
Yes, I ain’t kidding. I do think sometimes and have often taken up the knife but as I my failed life I regularly fail to fail my failed attempts.
My people, back there, still think I will someday be a very big person. That someday I, too, like thousands other, will bask in the glory and make a hell lot of fortune out of it. But alas their hopes have proved futile just like my wasted life.
I have forgotten my past (and they say the ones who forget their past are bound to doom) and I am lost in my present which means, as of now I have no future.
A somewhat self-constructive article by a very self-destructive Mango