Friday, October 26, 2012

Me, Facebook And The Profile Of My Dead Brother..

By Sadho Ram


Yesterday, I suddenly came across the Facebook profile of my dead cousin, who got electrocuted a few months back. He was only 14. He was sweet and a nice kid. Very adorable! He was studying in a city away from the village, and had come to the village to get his papers for some exam, and was about to leave on the night when his mother, my maternal aunt, asked him to say a day more, and so he stayed.

He got electrocuted the very morning when he stepped inside the bathroom to take a bathe and tripped over the wet floor along with the bucket full of water and electric heater attached to the plug. When I got the news, I was out with Blue, shopping. My sister had called to give me the news. I later came to know that he didn't want to bathe that early in the morning, but as his mother had other things to do, so she wanted him to get fresh and ready for breakfast.

That poor woman, my sister said, kept blaming herself. His father.. he did not believe even though he held in his arms the lifeless body of his youngest son, whom we all fondly called Raanu!

I never called his parents to share their grief, never made even a attempt to do so. I did cry. But I don't know why I didn't just called them up and say sorry for their loss! They were there when I lost my parents, they were there when I had lost almost everything in the past! But still I didn't .. I just couldn't do so much as to make a single call.

The reason I'm sharing this, is because I had almost forgotten about him but coming across his profile on Facebook yesterday, just threw me back to that day and all those memories of him just overwhelmed me.

Life is so short, we never realize what or who we might just lose in an instant!

I haven't still called them up. After all these months, I am not sure if it's the right thing to do. Moreover, I no longer know what is right or wrong. I just think that maybe I should just let them continue to think that I do not care or I've forgotten everything, even though I haven't actually.

Maybe it's just that people are better off without me or my presence in their life!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Confessions Of A Vile Mind [Part 1]

By Sadho Ram

We all want love but love, as it happens, is the most beautiful of things and purest of emotion; and only the most beautiful of person deserve it. Because no one else can truly appreciate it.

I couldn't. I, as far as my opinion about myself is concerned, am among those vile people, who has a tendency to ruin lives and relationships (be it of any kind). I am one of those people who use people without much consideration.

Playing with the emotions of those who care about me, love me, support me, regardless of my condition, is one of my main trait. I devalue them, their love and everything else that they offer me. What's worse is that in the end of it I make them feel worse about themselves. As if everything that's wrong, is not with me but with them. As if it's them who are at fault and I am the holy one.

I have and still live my life on ways I know will cause hurt to the rare few ones who think and wish well of me.

It's not that I enjoy all this, it's not as if I receive some kind of fun out of all this. No. I despise myself. The kind of low I think of about myself, no one can ever do, even after completely knowing me. I hurt daily inside. And on some days (especially nights) the hurt is so strong and overwhelming, that I find it hard to be calm.

I cry. I shout and yell at myself. Hit, punch, bang my head on the walls.. just so that the pain of me physically hurting myself will make me forget the searing heartache I am experiencing. But no, nothing of that sort happens, and I continue to burn in my own flame of treachery and hypocrisy till my mind cannot take it anymore, and I fall like a dead meat on my bed. Only to wake up with my heart as heavy as if someone has wrapped it along with a big stone.

I live my life hurting from the immense hurt and misery I've caused others, especially to those who took me as I was and still am and probably will always be! 

Monday, October 15, 2012

Just Another Rant

By Sadho Ram

Buniyad me hi 'gar kham ho phir imaarat to kya, ek deewar tak tik nahi sakti
(No building or even a wall can sustain itself when the very foundation itself is weak then)
...and that is what's wrong with me.. you.. us... sabke saath bas ek yahi toh chij hai jo galat hai!


Our ethics are crooked, morals are twisted (at least mine are) and we're talking about upliftment of the oppressed while oppressing so many in ways we don't even care to think about, emancipation of women while enslaving the very women who're in our life, eradication of corruption while contributing to the corrupt lot in ways we don't want to talk about, and what-not!


And so a bit righteously...
Mere desh-bhakton ki aisi sajjanta se mujhe meri makkaari jyada sachi lagti hai.
(I find my trickery/treachery more honest than the holiness of my country-loving proud people)

To be very blunt, the people who talk about equal rights and respect are the most treacherous of the lot out there that I have come across! And so, as Basir Badr saab says:

"Behad sharif logon se kuchh faasla rakho!"
Keep the very noble/highborn at some distance

and to add to his philosophy, here's my bit:

...ke sharafat se jyada kamini koi chij nahi
...because there is nothing more lowly than nobleness

Monday, October 1, 2012

... And So We Must Rise Before We Die A Death With Every Tock!

By Sadho Ram

Helplessness—of all the worst feelings in the world known to human beings out there—is the most worst of them all!

Helplessness—in the face of an apparent problem which one may know how to solve but is unable to—why—because the feeling of helplessness makes them feel just inadequate or plain hopeless!

Helplessness—that's what it does. No matter how strong a person maybe—this feeling—the helplessness makes a man incompetent.

Incompetent towards himself. Insufficient for himself. Insecure about himself.

And if untreated, left in the hands of fate and destiny, gradually but surely the very feeling of helplessness grows and grows like... cancer, YES, cancer, advancing, slowly but surely to its last stage—a stage from where there's no return!

It is then that this helplessness doesn't just remain merely what it is, it becomes something bigger, something more worse than worst of things, something so gigantic that when the realization hits us—the realization of this final stage of helplessness—we see nothing but foggy darkness, the line between reality and fantasy blurs, the emotions and feelings that may have kept us going—starts coming out in layers!

And with every tick we lose a breath and we die a death with every tock!

But wait, that's not the end of it—certainly not the end of us. We are better than that and we deserve better—much, much better!

It is now that we—the helpless, hopeless beings—shall rise—rise like a Phoenix rises from his ashes—no, not because life is a fairy tale but because life isn't a fairy tale. So, we must rise in the face of each adversary—no matter how Goliath-like they may appear at first, second, third or even at further sights—because there's a little David in every one of us—a David whose purpose is to discover itself within the self—and which can only be done in the face of Goliath-like adversaries.

Because no matter what—when the cause, the reason behind helplessness is realized or figured out—it can be stopped—much like the cancer if it's detected in the first stage!

Because there is nothing that can put us down but we—ourselves! Because there is no one out there who knows what it takes to wake up every morning even though we don't want to but we must because life is not a fairy tale because standing up for ourselves is the first stand we make because at the end of the day when we go back to bed that's what counts the most because those who don't stand up for themselves, certainly cannot stand for others because a house first must have strong foundation in order to sustain itself so that it can sustain a roof for others over its walls because... because we must first come first to us before others because in this life-long journey of constant adversaries it is us who won't desert us, who won't leave our side because whatever may be the circumstance—helplessness or hopelessness—cannot last forever—because they are not meant to because almost nothing ever last that long because all we need is to wake up, make a stand, face the problems whatever they maybe, look into its eye and say—enough is enough!

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